Oh man... terrifying revelation today...
All this time I haven't really thought much of going home. I'd just been worried about my 'best friend' cause I was fed up with her and didn't know if I was going to lie and say I missed her or just tell her off once and for all. But now that she's my EX best-friend I haven't been worried too much. Well, except for the fact that we'd tried to co-ordinate our schedules for next year... Hehehe... Oops...
Anyway, as I started thinking about going home, I started realizing that life didn't stop because I left. It kept going. I'm going home to an 8-month-pregnant mother and a new house member that probably knows my house better than I do by this point. My parents, my little brother, our guest, they've all lived their lives these 5 months I've been gone. And I've lived life too. They've changed and I've changed. Even my friends have changed. They lived their lives while I was gone. They've changed. I don't even know how many (if any) friends I'll have when I get home. I've already lost the one friend who promised to never leave me.
I've gone through many experiences in this time. I can't go back to being who I was. And they've been through their own experiences without me. They aren't who they were when I left.
So I realized today... I'm not going 'back home', I'm going back to the building I left in my country of origin... but I'm starting a new life. Again. It's terrifying to think about. Nothing will truly be the same. It's like those Find-the-Mistakes games, everything looks the same, but there are so many differences you fear you'll never find them all... But I don't have to find what's different. I just have to start this new life, with all these people who are the same yet different.
Even though I'm scared, I feel... liberated. When I came here I came with a clean slate. No one knew me and that meant I could be anyone I wanted to be. When I return, there will be people who knew me, but I'm not that girl anymore. I'm someone different. I don't have to go back to being who I was because no one else is who they were.
So while I'm afraid, I'm excited as well. I can't wait to see who my friends and family have become. I can't wait to show them who I've become.
Never be afraid of change.
~ A Dreamer